Back to Basics…

Planning has become a little easier…we are going back to our regular Monday schedule. This Monday however, i had a few offline messages from JB…indicating He might not make it, but i got ready just the same, because things can change of the course of a few hours, being unprepared is not an option. i went to the room and turned on the heater.

i was about half way done preparing when JB sent a text to my cell…telling me He was still at work, then sent me another asking if i was ready. i told Him “just about” and He sent another asking why i was still texting Him…to “GO!” i put the cell down and got back to the task at hand. He called just as i was finishing my shower asking me how much time i needed…i told Him about 15 more minutes…He made me aware of the time and i hung up. i rushed through the remaining tasks and got myself to the room.

i was in the room and ready with only about 2 minutes to spare…when i heard the garage door close.  He walked into the room and locked the door behind Him.  He walked over to the table for the collar and cuffs.  He walked around me, pausing for a few seconds before asking, “did you just get here?”  “just a couple minutes ago, Sir” i answered back.

He told me to get up onto my knees and He locked on my collar, then the wrist cuffs.  He helped me off the floor and told me to put my foot on the futon, so He didn’t have to bend…locking on my ankle cuffs.  He held me for a few minutes…telling me to kiss him and hug back…i have to wait for permission before i am allowed to touch Him.

He sent me to the cross, with my back to the room, He pulled the pony from it’s spot in the room.  He told me to get on, to spread my legs…wider.  He put the nipple vise on, tightly then attached it to the chain on the front of the pony, before clipping my wrist behind me.  He pulled my head back, pulling me toward the back of the pony, tightening the vise, as it pulled my breasts tight.  He let go and walked to the rack of toys.  He picked the spline flogger and hit the inside of my thighs.  Asking me “are you sorry you ever made this for me?”  i wasn’t, there are times i actually like the spline flogger…

He put the flogger away and picked up a crop, He cropped my ass a few times, then my inner thighs again.  He told me to rock back and forth on the pony…that He wanted me to cum.  His hand was wrap in my hair again, holding me tight…so tight that i couldn’t move on the pony.  He let go, allowing me a little room for movement…then telling me to rub harder and faster.  He asked me if i needed a little help…i nodded as i said :Yes, Sir”.  He rubbed my clit…until i was able to cum for Him.  He had me resume rubbing against the pony as He slapped my ass with the crop…telling me to cum again.

He pulled my head back again, pulling me almost standing straight on the pony…He held me tight kissing me hard…pulling my hair, telling me how much He liked it long.  i grew it out for Him…a directive handed down a little more than a year and a half ago.  It grows so fast, i had cut it to just about my chin…too short for JB’s liking.  It is now down to just past the middle of my back.  i love the way His hands feel all wrapped up in it, the way He pulls…::sigh::  ok back to where i left off.

He removed the vise from my nipples and helped me off the pony.  He opened the futon as i stood holding onto the cross.  He removed my ackle cuffs…and had me knee facing the wall on the mattress.  He placed a towel under my knees and tossed the expanding plug and the big dildo on the mattress, beside me.  He wrapped rope around my ankles, tieing me to the sides of the futon, holding me in place, with my knees spread wide apart.  He bent and lioked my asshole, telling me, He knows what it does to my head.  That it just squicks me, but feels so good all at the same time.

He rubbed lube into my asshole, telling me to cum for Him, before adding another finger.  He slid the plug in and turned on the vibration…before pumping it up a few times.  Releasing the air, just after i came for Him,  pushed the dildo in…then re-expanded the plug.  He told me to hold off…to not cum, yet.  i had a hard time holding back and begged to cum.  He made me wait…wanting me to squirt for Him. He fucked me hard with the dildo, with the plug vibrating on high…i came hard, but didn’t squirt.  He fucked me harder and faster…having me wait until He wanted me to cum.  When i finally came and squirted, He persisted and fucked me just that much harder, wanting me to cum…over and over, non-stop…until i couldn’t anymore.

He pulled the dildo from me and the plug.   He entered my ass in one swift movement and fucked me slowly at first, until i was begging Him to fuck me harder, to hurt me.  i came several times, before He did.  He released my ankles and  we cleaned up a bit, before snuggling together under the blanket.  We left the room with all the toys laying about…i cleaned up a bit later that afternoon.

Marking 3 Years Together…

Wow… JB and i have been together for 3 years. It has been a wonderful journey together, so far…i can’t wait to see what the next year will bring!

i love you, JB!

Reconnecting…

We had planned on trying again, it was Monday morning, we spoke a few times over the week and during the weekend. We chatted in the morning, after our chat, i was unsure of what was going to happen. JB was stressed about what had happened last week…the comments, left on my blog, driving home what He had been beating Himself up about, all week. He felt, He said “like an amature” like He had no idea what He was doing. He hadn’t slept all weekend and was off His center. He told me He didn’t think He was capable of having a session. i was now not ready, i had been preparing all morning…mentally and physically…i felt as if, i was falling into the deep abyss…that if i had to wait for the next available Monday, i would be in no condition for a session.

He told me to finish getting ready that He would be leaving in five minutes. i took a quick shower, washed and dried my hair and got the the room. i had no idea what was going to happen…if we were going to have a session or not and unsure of what He meant when He said we would be “going back to basics”.

When He arrived, i was waiting for Him, still dressed sitting on the floor…unsure of what He wanted of me. He sat in the chair in the corner of the room and pulled me to Him. i knelt at His feet…looking up at Him. He asked me if i was ok, if i was ready. i told Him i didn’t know if i was sure of anything…He bent to kiss me, gently at first, then biting my lip as He pulled my hair. We talked for a few minutes…He asked me if i doubted His feelings for me…i told Him i didn’t not really…because i know how He feels about me and if He didn’t love me He wouldn’t have stressed out and not slept…thinking about last week. He kissed me a few more time, allowing me to just kneel at His feet and rest my head in His lap.

He pulled my head from His lap and kissed me hard…with His hand firmly around my throat, He looked me in the eye and told me to strip. i walked to the closet and put my clothes on the shelf…as i started to walk back He told me to get on the floor. “crawl to the table and get your collar.” He said firmly, “put it in your mouth and crawl over to me.” i did as i was told and crawled over to Him with my collar in my mouth. He locked it around my neck and sent me back for my wrist cuffs…then my ankle cuffs.

As soon as i was locked into my cuffs, He pushed me back onto my ass, telling me to masturbate for Him. He said “do you remember how hard that was for you when we first started, how you would hesitate for a minute before you would rub one out.” i did remember…but now i just do it for Him. He told me to go slowly, not to rush, He wanted me to take my time, it wasn’t about cumming. He just wanted to sit back and watch. He told me when to go faster, to rub a little harder…He told me when He wanted me to cum for Him.

He reached over and pinched my nipples, not too hard, just enough. He pulled at them and rubbed them…while i rubbed another one out for Him. He bent a little further and took a nipple into His mouth, biting down on it…then did the same to the other…i came. He pulled my head back telling me to continue, He wanted another one. He kissed me as i came…releasing His grip on my hair.

He helped me off the floor and clipped me to the cross. He picked a flogger from the wall and flogged me with horsehair flogger. He flogged my breasts, stomach and cunt until i came. He had me ask for each strike…He wanted to know if i wanted it harder…to make sure i said it loud and not a whisper, as i tend to do. When He was done with the flogger He put it away.

He walked back to me, running His finger lightly over my clit…telling me how wet i was, “is that for me?” He asked…it always is. He slapped my cunt until i came…He continued slapping telling me to hold off and not cum until He told me to, He wanted me to squirt for Him. He continued after the first orgasm, telling me not to cum, but…i came almost immediately after He told me not to, soaking His hand again. He stopped, standing in front of me, He looked me in the eye and asked if i just came without permission. i answered Him, that yes i had…with a tear in my eye. He told me it was ok, but not to do it again, “it’s been a long time.” He continued a few more minutes.

He walked away, searching through the box for the clamps. He put them on my nipples and gave them a slight tug. He went back to the box and picked up the weights “it’s been a long time since we used these” He said as He hung them from the chain connecting the clamps…letting them hang, they tightened the clamps.

He continued to slap my cunt again, while the weights swung from the clamps. Every now and then, His arm would brush against the clamps…making their presents known. He picked the weights up in His hand and let them drop…the clamps tightened…pinching harder on my nipples. He picked them up a second time and asked if i wanted Him to do it again…i said “no, Sir” He told me that i needed to use my yellow safe word…that He wanted me to say it as re-enforcement, so that i would remember to use it when i really needed to. He removed the clamps.

He unclipped me from the cross after He opened the futon. He told me to get on my hands and knees in the middle. He asked if my ass was His…as He placed a towel under me. He picked up the bottle of lube after He got undressed and drizzled it on my asshole. He pushed it in with His fingers…telling me it was ok, to just cum when i felt it. He continued stretching my asshole, rubbing more lube in with His fingers. i came a couple times.

When He had thoroughly lubed my ass, He told me He was just going to enter me all at once. He quickly slid right in, no pain at all. He fucked me slowly at first, waiting for me to beg for it. He said He loves how dirty i get when He fucks my ass…as i started begging for Him to fuck me harder. He fucked me hard and fast, until i begged to cum, He told me to hold off for a few more seconds…He was close and wanted me to cum with Him. Just as i was about to lose it myself, He said “CUM NOW!” and we came together.

He helped me clean up and we had a few minutes to just snuggle and talk a little bit more. He said “so going back to basics isn’t all that bad, now is it?” It wasn’t, but i didn’t know what He meant until we did it.

A Few Things…

A few more thoughts about last weeks fiasco…before i move on to this week’s session post.

i can’t have all the blame laying on JB’s shoulders…we were both at fault…we were both disconnected from one another. Time and distance over the summer made things usually easily seen, not. Things not noticed, outside stress…all added up to what occurred last Monday. i was struggling with the lack of time for a session and i was in need of one…while i stressed over the usual things i do during the month of September.

We hadn’t had enough alone time to be just us…as well as not enough time for a session. The lack of communication, especially during September…lead to things that needed to be talked about…not being talked about. Things He wouldn’t remember one year after the next, because it all happened before we met.

JB was mostly disgusted with Himself, more than with me…because He didn’t pick up on my stress like He usually does…we weren’t connected…plain and simple. Things happen…we aren’t perfect…we are human…we make mistakes. But, we have to move forward and work past it…because if we don’t, then it all falls apart.

We are working past it…moving forward…reconnecting…going back to basics.

Disconnected…(part 2)

He walked me to the futon, telling me to sit there and collect myself…He cleaned up and put things away. He sat on the chair in the corner…as i sobbed on the futon. i needed to be kneeling in front of Him…i needed help collecting myself. i got up from the futon and walked over to JB and knelt at His feet…He sent me back to the futon. i needed to feel connected to Him, but it wasn’t going to be allowed. He was beyond angry with me…beyond disgusted.

i was told to crawl back and sit on the futon and put my glasses on and look at Him. i sat, but leaned back against it, He told me to sit up, i told Him i couldn’t breath sitting up with the corset on. He told me to take it off…my heart sunk. He told me to come to Him…He untied the corset…i unbuckled the straps across the front…and unzipped it. He instructed me to get the keys, He handed me my robe. i gave Him the keys and He took off my cuffs…i cried. Knowing we were done…knowing how angry He was…i cried harder as He removed my collar. He told me to but them away…having me crawl back to Him. He pushed me head to the floor…i cried, never stopping.

He lectured me on using my safewords…that this has been the fourth time, in the last year that we have had this conversation. i tried to explain, but He wasn’t finished…He wasn’t allowing me to speak…only answer yes, Sir and no, Sir. He pulled me from the floor and moved the chair away from the corner. He sat on the futon, telling me to get into the corner. He berated me endlessly, on how disgusted He was with my actions…how disappointing i was to Him…how this wasn’t how He planned the session.

On and on it went…i sobbed in the corner. When He was done…after all He had said…which i will not go into here, because it is harsh…and i can’t write it out without crying again…He told me He had to leave…He had somewhere to be. He accused me of taking Him for granted…which i have never once done…it was all too much for me.

i removed myself from the corner…telling Him i couldn’t do this anymore, that i had had enough…He couldn’t leave me feeling the way i was…feeling worse, after what was said, than i had been feeling for more than a month. i told Him to just go, to stop…i couldn’t anymore…i couldn’t listen to Him anymore…it was all too much, it had gone too far. The man i loved more than anything, was berating me and speaking out of anger…never once did He try to understand what i was feeling at the time or what was going through my head.

i walked to the closet and pulled my clothes out and tried to dress myself…but i was too much of a mess to get my bra on. i collapsed onto the floor and sobbed curled in a ball. He sat there…still full of anger, telling me that i expected Him to be late…because i had a meltdown. It still didn’t stop…i just wanted Him to go…i couldn’t do it anymore…i felt so broken and even more disconnected from Him. i wasn’t being heard…He wasn’t interested in hearing me.

He finally told me to get off the floor and come over to Him. He pushed my head to His lap and allowed me to kneel in front of him. He stroked my hair as i sobbed…i had been crying so long i couldn’t stop. i told Him how disconnected from Him i had been feeling. About how the lack of communication had taken it’s toll on me. He asked me if i doubted His feelings for me…i hadn’t…not until that day…not until all the things He said to me…all the angry words. He told me He loved me…that He wasn’t going anywhere…ever.

He left…to go do what He needed to do. i was a basket case…i still am. i feel so broken…so disconnected.

The thing that keeps running through my head is below…i couldn’t explain it to Him…but there it is:

He asked me if i wanted them off…then He told me five more minutes…i thought i could do that for Him and work through the pain. All of that changed the way i was dealing with the pain…wanting to please Him, to hold on for five more minutes, with the promise of the clips being removed at the end of it. BUT…He wanted me to use my safeword (however the confusion comes in with the question and then the request for five more minutes)…but i couldn’t think past the pain…i just needed it to stop…and the only way i could stop was to fight it…because that was the way my brain was working at the time…safewords were no where around…no where close to being voiced…i was in fight mode. i was never on top of the pain…i just wasn’t able to handle it all at once. It had been just too long since we had a session…i needed time to get on top of it…and i wasn’t given the opportunity…the pain started first…so it stayed in focus.

Disconnected…

Today was to be our first Monday together…getting back to our usual routine. This summer was very long, we really had little to no time to have a session. i was looking forward to today…i was more than ready. i have been feeling very disconnected from JB the last month or so, short phone calls, no online chats in the morning…no time for a session. It all added to the stress i have been feeling with things at home…i was and still am a mess…emotionally.

i was in the room getting ready for JB’s arrival…picked out a pair of thigh high fishnet stockings, decided on hot pink heels and got into my corset. i was ready early enough to just sit and try to find my center, before He arrived. i heard the garage door open and close…the sound of His footsteps on the stairs…the turning of the door knob. It all made my heart pound in anticipation. When He walked into the room, locking the door behind Him, He looked down at me bowing on the floor…He asked “did you read my mind?” pleased that i had put the corset on for Him.

He walked around me before picking up my collar and locking it around my neck. He pulled me off the floor and locked on my cuffs…i could feel myself getting calmer and less anxious…with the click of each lock. He pulled me from the floor and stood me facing the cross. He clipped my wrists in place, tied the rope around the back of my head, pulling my forehead tight to the cross…then clipped my ankles in place.

He picked a flogger from the wall…after the first strike i knew it was the beaded flogger…before He commented on how much He liked it. The session was to start out with pain…generally He gives me an orgasm first…so i had to get on top of the pain before i could cum. He changed from flogging my ass to my cunt…fortunately with each strike, a bead hit my clit just right. After a few strikes of the flogger i was able to cum…a small one but it still counts.

He put the flogger away, but continues to spank me with His hand…hard, alternating sides…until i could feel the heat and sting. He stopped just as i couldn’t handle another slap…to rub my clit. Again, He rubbed until i came, nothing earth shattering…but i came. He plugged in the Hitachi and continued to slap my ass as He pressed the vibrator to my cunt on high. He told me to hold back, to not cum. i struggled a little bit holding it off…but i needed to cum to get past the pain. When He finally allowed me to cum…again it wasn’t anything even close to how hard i generally cum when He uses the Hitachi.

He put the pink clips on my soft nipples…they bit into my flesh harder than usual. Again, i tried to get on top of the pain, but just couldn’t get there. He pressed the Hitachi back to my cunt…and flicked the clips. He told me to again hold off a little…asking every few seconds if i could hold off a little longer. As much as i wanted to cum, i held off…until allowed.

He released me from the cross, turning me around, clipping me back in place. He put the little blue clips on my breasts…two on either side of the pink ones that were still on my nipples. i gasped with each of the eight clips…they hurt. He put the last four clips on my cunt…which had me dancing on the cross. The pain was far more than i could handle for very long, without fidgeting…which He hates. He buckled the gag into my mouth…tight, i knew then, i was in trouble.

He pressed the Hitachi between the clips on my cunt and turned it on high…He slid it up to my clit, away from the clips…telling me to cum…as i did He slid it back between the clips, it hurt and took the downward part of my orgasm away. The pain took over again…still not able to get past it. He passed the vibrator over the clips on my breasts…the pain was searing, again i danced clipped to the cross…hoping He wouldn’t do it again. But, He did in the same pattern as He had just moments before.

Screaming behind the gag made my throat dry…i was coughing and gagging. He removed the gag and gave me a few sips of water, telling me it wasn’t over yet. He pressed Himself against the clips on my breasts…pushing them into me. He asked me if i wanted them off…i answered “Yes, Sir” as He pressed Himself harder into me. He told me not yet five more minutes…i begged Him to take them off…i cried…sobbed…but they stayed on.

He picked up the Hitachi again…following the same pattern as He had, just before stopping for a few minutes. As the time ticked by…with each pass of the vibrator i sobbed, unable to get on top of the pain. At the end of the five minutes He started to remove the clips, i screamed in pain as each one was removed. Pain for the sake of just pain, isn’t easy to handle…i never was able to get on top of it. He removed the ten clips from my breasts, but left the clips on my cunt. As He bent down, i was preparing myself for Him to pull them off…but He picked up the Hitachi instead.

As soon as the vibrator hit the clips, i freaked out. i screamed..begged…pleaded, for Him to stop…to take them off…at the top of my lungs i screamed to stop. i fought my bonds pulling hard enough to shake the wall. He unclipped my wrist…i continued to meltdown…He hadn’t taken them off yet…i fought the urge to remove them myself…when He finally took them off. The pain had me sliding down the length of the cross…my ankles still attached. He held me up and released me from the cross fully.

to be continued…maybe

Held…

And so it goes…one day turns to another…we struggle to find enough time to have a good session. We are both in need of one…badly. We try for an early Saturday morning, which quickly heads toward noon. i started to get a little worried that He wasn’t going to make it in time…i had another commitment and had to leave by 12:45, to get the kids all settled into their afternoon activity.

i had somehow missed His phone call letting me know He was going to be later than He anticipated…but was definitely on His way. i called Him back as soon as i got the voicemail. After a quick conversation…He sent me to our room to focus…He would be there by 11:30am.

When i got the the room, i quickly undressed and put on my robe…i sat on the floor…trying to focus on JB. i got up and turned on the stereo…then turned it back off mid-song…it was too much and i couldn’t focus. So i sat on the floor in silence, waiting for the sound of the garage door, opening. When He finally arrived, i pulled off my robe, tossing it onto the futon and lowered myself to the floor. We were going to have less than an hour…i wasn’t sure if another short session was something i could handle…they seem to keep me more on the edge instead of centered.

He came into the room, locking the door behind Him. He walked over to me, pulling me to my knees. He locked my collar snuggly around my neck. He told me to “get to it”, standing inches from my face. As quickly as i could, i pulled His belt open…unzipping His pants. He told me to “open wide” as He grabbed the hair on the top of my head, pushing His cock into my mouth. He held my head, by my chin and hair…moving it at the pace He wanted…telling me “I love fucking that mouth”.

He backed away, pulling His jeans back where they belonged…pulling me from the floor, He asked “are you ready?” He walked me to the corner, pushing my nose to the wall…He left me there…while He pulled the table from the wall to the middle of the room. He was back pressed against me, whispering in my ear…asking “how does standing in the corner make you feel?” i didn’t have an answer for Him…because, i have no idea how it feels…other than waiting for Him to do with me what He wants.

He pulled me to him…my back press against Him, i could feel Him growing hard…He moved me a few inched to the right, putting my hands above my head over the window. He told me not to move…to get as close to the glass as i could. “I have seen the men building those two houses, come over to the edge of the trees, just over there, I am sure they will see you standing here.” He spoke close to my ear…His breathe on my neck…sending shivers to my cunt. He asked me if that turned me on… i said “no, Sir” i don’t particularly like being exposed to anyone but Him…but it doesn’t matter, it is what He wants from me that counts.

He reached down running His finger across my clit…telling me “your cunt is soaked, it gives you away, every time…you can’t tell me it doesn’t excite you, your cunt never lies.” i told Him it does lie, but He answered back that it doesn’t, it is only my head that isn’t caught up to my cunt yet.

He turned me around, telling me to get on the table. He helped me up and locked on my cuffs. He put the cuffs on my thighs and clipped them to the uprights, holding me in place. He clipped my ankles to the rings and my collar to the front ring, before clipping my wrists in place. i was held in place, in the exact position He wanted me in. my ass in the air, my face pressed to the table…unable to move even an inch in any direction.

He picked up the zapper, asking if we had the batteries for it. He found them in the box…right where they are kept, the one thing i never want to get into trouble for again…no batteries. He zapped my left nipple, without warning…then my ass and right nipple were next. As He walked around me, He slapped my ass…asking “is that ass ready for me today?” i answered back “Yes, Sir” He told me that i was a good girl for taking care of that for Him…and put the zapper away, as a reward for being a good girl.

He rubbed my clit, telling me to hold back, to not cum just yet. He pushed a finger into my cunt…to the g-spot and rubbed hard. Again, telling me to hold it back until He told me to cum. i begged, i needed the release and He kept rubbing hard, telling me to wait. When He finally told me to cum for Him, i came hard…with another not far off. He continued to rub, telling me to wait until i could no longer hold off. He rubbed lube on my cunt, before fucking me with the big dildo…telling me to wait to cum. He fucked me hard and fast, i could feel it building, needing to cum, i begged..He told me to cum.

He rubbed lube on my asshole, pushing a finger in, continued to rub my g-spot as He pushed His finger in and out of my ass, telling me to wait to cum…again.  He pushed the plug into my ass, pumping it up a few times, as He turned up the vibrations…it had been a long time since we played with the expanding plug.  He told me to wait to hold off as long as could…i begged not long after. As i came, He released the air from the plug, then quickly pumped it back up again, asking me if i could handle a little more air.  He pumped it up fuller than the moments before, filling me…i came hard, one orgasm running into the other.

He gave me a little break asking me where i wanted to be fuck…i was still tied to the table, unable to move. i told Him i didn’t care, that it was His choice. He released the air from the plug and pulled it from my ass. He came around the front of me and released my collar and wrists from the rings. He walked behind me pulling my ass closer to the back of the table…leaving my thighs and ankles locked in place. My face pressed to the table, He pushed my ass down a little so He could enter my ass. He told me He wasn’t going to go slow, that He was just going to push right through. i took a deep breathe in preparation for His entry.

He slid in with no trouble…no pause, giving me no time to adjust to His size…but i really didn’t need it, it had been so long since i felt Him fuck my ass…i didn’t want it to stop. i begged Him to fuck me harder, faster, He complied…knowing how i get when He fucks my ass…something He loves to hear me beg for. He pulled my head back as He fucked me hard, as soon as i came, He came in my ass. He continued to fuck me a little longer, before pulling out. He unclipped my thighs and ankles, allowing me to collapse on the table. He helped me clean up and cleaned Himself as well. We didn’t have anytime left to cuddle…i got dressed as quickly as i could…shaking as i did.

i could feel His cum…warm in my ass, as i walked home to get the kids ready to leave. i felt much better…the stress much less…but i am still in need of a good, long, hard session. It will happen soon…it has to…for both of us.

Soon…

It has been along summer…but the kids are back at school. JB has been keeping me in line…well, not that i tend to get out of line…but He has been keeping the meltdowns from happening (for the most part). We have seen each other a few times over the summer…we just haven’t had much time to have a full session.

We did have a little time yesterday…about 20 minutes or so, but it is that time for me…so no session. We sat and talked and did a lot of kissing…and JB sunk His teeth into my tender breast flesh a few times, leaving me with a few bruises on my right breast…that i have looked at at least a dozen times today. And a few orgasms, to hold me over until Monday!

He allowed me to kneel at His feet, for a few minutes. Pushing my forehead to the floor, He put His feet on my back for a few minutes…remembering the first time He did that…when we first started seeing each other…almost 3 years ago…

So…there will be something new here soon…i promise!