6 Years Together, an open letter to JB

i have this insecurity, i own it, it was there, full swing, before i met you. It had been growing, for 17 years, before you walked into my life. It was all i knew until you, but it has weakened in the 6 years we have been together. You didn’t put it there, but you have made it less of a burden. You gave me everything i was lacking for so many years. You allowed me to grow, to be myself, to embrace the woman i hid so well for so many years.

You showed me love, how it feels, how it looks…everytime you look at me. You embraced every part of me that makes me, me…the woman, the mother…my insecurity, my life, my craziness. You brought out my submissive side, my inner masochist and never once thought i was sick or twisted, even when i thought that about myself. You taught me to embrace the real me, to never be ashamed of who i am and in doing that you took away some of my insecurities. It took you 6 years to undo the damage that was done, with patience, encouragement and most of all love.

i have struggled with my insecurities this past year, a lot. The time apart has brought it all bubbling back to the top. As much of it as i show you from time to time, there is a million times more i keep to myself. All i know for sure, is that i love you with all my heart and soul and it isn’t something i ever want to live without.

Ok…so now that the serious part is done…

i need to feel the pain, that comes without warning, the strike of the cane as you let out a little of the sadist you keep hidden away. i need to feel the tears sting my eyes, as you push me just past the last limit you set. The marks you leave on my body, your property, i can feel for days. The marks that fade when i want them there always.

i love you, Happy Anniversary my Sir! i am forever changed…